Restrained by a Near Stroke
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Supergirl has HAD IT with a certain one-eyed assassin. after another failed contract, our heroine has filed a restraining order to keep the pesky merc away from her, thus giving Supergirl unending fun and joy... that is, if a certain cranky old bat allows it
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own any Justice League fanfics getting sued and filed a 5,000 yard restraining order, blah blah blah**

 **Restrained by a near Stroke**

 **Chapter 1: That's It**

"That… is… IT" Supergirl growled in anger, having been caught in a boobytrap by her longtime nemesis Deathstroke. For countless days the infamous assassin has hounded her days after days and, as usual, always ending in disaster. Even after Kara tossed him in the slammer, he always found a way to bust loose. Well, either way, Kara needed to be away from him, even if it meant putting an order of restraint on him.

Wait a second… order? Restrain? A-Ha! Kara had a permanent solution to her problem

"Deathstroke, as a member of the JLA and the United States Government, I am officially suing you for stalking, sexual assault, criminal negligence, assault and battery, drugging, constant pettiness, arrogance, bad cologne, old blood wounds, oh and impersonating Deadpool" Supergirl said, pinning a court order on the mercenary's head

"I'll see you in court" Kara said, blowing raspberries at her opponent as she flew off victorious. Before Deathstroke even had a plan of catching her, sirens rang out which probably means…

"alright Slade! your contract ride's over numbnuts!" Turpin barked, Deathstroke feeling the full brunt of the law as Sawyer bashed him into darkness by clobbering him on the head with her nightstick

…

This definitely wasn't one of his best days. First he'd been accused of so many outrageous accusations by a completely clueless and totally brainless 19-year-old alien Amazonian bombshell, then filed a restraining order saying that he cannot come within 5,000 yards of Kara or face life imprisonment should he ignore the order

"This is outrageous! I cant believe you sued my best mercenary!" Lex Luthor shouted angrily, as Kara sipped her chocolate shake

"keep yapping Baldy, I might sue YOU next" Kara warned, holding a list of compromising blackmail documents

"eep…" Lex squeaked as he knew Kara was the sole witness to Lex's womanizing habits with Circe, Dr. Light, Ursa and the other female criminals of the DC Universe. Kara also knew Mercy quit working for him because a) she's 100% gay and has zero interest in him because the way Jesse Eisenberg portrayed him was a total turn off for her. B) she enjoyed working for Talia since she's available because a curmudgeonly bat divorced her and got $3,000 in alimony and C) she hated how every object and painting was an exact model of his likeness

"so Lex… are you gonna back off and leave me be, or am I gonna have to give TMZ a call and let more than a few concerned Americans know just what kind of maniac they're letting run Metropolis?" Kara asked, her phone dialing the TMZ hotline

"Y'ello? TMZ? Yes, this is she. Ohhhh yes, I got all the files, all of 'em. Don't ask how, it came to me from a close friend of mine. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh yes, most definitely. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Okey-dokey then, we got a deal. Great, oh baby, the looks on everyone's faces, especially this putz I'm standing next to will be priceless! Yeah, alright, alright, alright. And buh-bye!" Kara said cheerfully, hanging up as Lex had fainted dead away, his skin now flushed white

"someone better call the ambulance… and while y'all are at it, get a defibrillator. I think this guy needs a reboot" Kara hollered

"you mean they're updating us again? Ohhhh god, why? Why, what's wrong with you people? Cant you ever take it out on some other guy?" Booster Gold whined

"Hey, Woody Allen wannabe! Do us all a favor and stuff them Booster Burritos into your big fat whiny piehole, will you? Oy gevalt" Two-Face yelled


	2. Chapter 2

**Restrained by a Near Stroke**

 **Chapter 2**

Kara relaxed contentedly in her lounge chair, sipping her ice cold Mr. Pibb and bopping her head to the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack while an obviously irritated Jason had plugged cotton in his ears to drown out the noisy 70s music when Slade barged in

"Danvers! We need to talk about this silly restraining order! Can't you see how this is affecting my reputation? I've even been booted out of the Secret Society because of this! Well, to be fair, the Secret Society weren't that very kosher to begin with, they were all pretty much assholes" Slade remarked before several well-dressed men blocked the humiliated mercenary's view of his obsessed target

"per paragraph XVIII of this restraining order, you are no longer allowed to fraternize, talk, or brutally assault our client. Likewise, the next paragraph says you may not come within 1,500 feet of Ms. Danvers or her family at ALL TIMES. Any disobedience of this rule will result in being revoked of your supervillain status, your weapons and armor being returned to Mr. Sionis and you will serve serious hard-core jail time" the head lawyer spoke in a posh British accent while his cohorts marked the 1,500 yard line with a white piece of chalk

"pardon me boys, but, um… does this chalk wash off? Cause, well, the missus asked me to clean today and, uh… you do NOT want my wife to be angry with you guys, or ANYONE in particular" Roman added

"yes sir. This is disappearing-reappearing chalk" the second attorney exclaimed

"wait a second… did you rip that off of Roger Rabbit?" Robin asked suspiciously, the lawyers' faces turning white as snow as they dashed out of the house in an instant

"…well, THAT was a quick visit" Slade said casually, just as Kara glared at him with a look that said if he doesn't leave in five seconds, Kara will smack him way off into next Wednesday

*guess what happens*

"Look! Up in the sky" a passerby shouted

"is it a bird?" one idiotic townsperson asked

"is it a house that's being flown by balloons, a nerdy boy scout and a curmudgeonly old man who looks like Ed Asner?" Ambush Bug chimed

"NO YOU IDIOTS, it's DEATHSTROKE" Slade yelled at the top of his lungs, landing in the Metropolis Thorn Garden

"…is there a shaving cream for that?" Jimmy asked his boyfriend Winn.

"uh…I'm not sure. Ooh-hoo-hoo! There goes that guy from How I met Your Mother. Come on, I wanna touch him again" Winn giggled in a flamboyant lisp, him and Jimmy skipping hand in hand, with everyone watching in disgust

"HEY! QUIT DOIN THAT, YOU CRAZY FROOT LOOPS! YOURE SCARIN DA KIDS" Bibbo hollered, shaking his fist while a few mortified and very innocent schoolchildren looked at the… creepy couple

…

"Booster, why are we here? Didn't I say we were supposed to go to Gorilla Grodd's lab and not this tavern?" John asked in annoyance while Booster daydreamed at a slender woman's lemons. Booster sighed in utter bliss, unaware that the item of his affection didn't have a care nor any sympathy for the brainless drooling imbecile staring at her like she was the last woman on Earth

*Remember that episode from Gotham Girls where all the men vanished and only all the women remained? Yeah. That could've been a BRILLIANT series. But NOOOO, you had to make it a one-shot. COME OOONNNN DC, GET YOUR HEAD OUTTA YOUR TRUNKS, WILL YA? Sheesh*

"hey you" the bartender barked, John looking at her

"um, I do have a name. but, uh, what can I do you for?" John said, the woman's light face now showing a reddish look of outrage and offense

"…that came out wrong didn't it?" John meekly said. Seconds before he could finish, the bouncer had grabbed both men by their shirt collars, then with a mighty throw that could have been used in this year's Rio Olympics, tossed them out of the bar and sent em careening into a pile of trash cans

"AND STAY OUT" the bouncer hollered, growling deeply as he slammed the door

"Ooga booga" John mocked, scratching his armpits before leaving, dragging a blubbering Booster behind him


	3. Chapter 3

It's been exactly 3 and a half months sinceDeathstroke received his summons, got yukked out of the Secret Society and placed under 24 hour house arrest. So far, Kara's been living it up, positively blooming with joy now that shes rid of the scoundrel.  
/

While joyful to Kara and the rest of the League, everyone else, well... lets say a certain pointy eared grumpasaurus isnt very thrilled with both the idea **and** his leaguemate's wreckless, immature and downright embarrassing behaviour.

"Ahahaha! The guy got bonked on the head with a coconut! Bahahaha!" Kara guffawed, a big, fat goofy smile plastered on her face as she was watching her typical Monday night nonense on the idiot box. **How** canHippolyta  
allow this kind of behavior? **How?!** There were many pros and cons on the scatterbrained cousin of the Big Blue Boyscout. Pros: she's immune to kryptonite, she manages to even creep out **Joker** of all people,  
plus she cansimply crash Brainiac's systems whenever she wants. But, the cons were winning: She always has her head in the clouds, her IQ's the size of a pebble, she acts completely irresponsible and immature, and to make it worse: Hippolyta **allows it!**

No. Batmancant and **wont** put up withthis anymore. This has **got** toend. That stupid restraining order has to be rescinded **NOW.** If Kara kept this up, then all the villains would be declared bankrupt  
and have to relocate. And that's bad for JLA business

As on cue, another coconut fell from the ground echoing another round of near insane laughter from Kara who was on the floor giggling in hysterics, her eyes going in circles from all the zaniness. Grumbling incoherent curses and making the most surliest  
/glare he could muster, Batman trudged past a gleeful Kara who was now babbling in tongues and wearing nothing but a loincloth. He really, **really hates** his job


End file.
